Wednesday, September 4, 2013

The Munchies

"Code 4, unconscious male" has us tearing across the city at 1 am on a busy Saturday night. We arrive to find the fire department already inside the small basement apartment, and judging by the fire fighter wandering around outside, he's not actually unconscious.

The smell hits me when we enter the room - and I usually have a hard time picking up on it. I notice incense and candles burning on every surface, and the coffee table is covered in chips, cookies and candy.  A young man is sitting on the couch, wide-eyed, with bags of frozen vegetables and fries covering his body. His girlfriend is sitting in the corner, looking petrified, with the largest pupils I've ever seen. She looks like a cartoon character.

We start the standard questioning, then quickly veer off into the weird.

"What happened?" "Well, I was going in and out of consciousness, but I totally knew what was happening. I could, like, see everything around me." Hm. Sounds pretty life threatening.

"What's with the frozen veggies?" "I was really hot and was using them to cool down." Frozen peas on your junk will certainly be effective.

"Any alcohol tonight?" "No." Doubtful, but that's obviously not the main issue here. We'll let that one slide.

"Any drug use?" He pauses. C'mon dude, don't even try to lie to us, you're high as a feakin' kite and your girlfriend doesn't have any iris left. She's all pupil. "Well....maybe a little pot." No shit. 

We sign him off and leave with the admonishment to lay off the weed for the rest of the night. I'm hoping it's just a coincidence, but my partner and I then hit up a convenience store for junk food. How fast can you get a second-hand high? Hmm....