I Passed!!

Thank God that is over! I passed it all and am going to spend the next few weeks eating and sleeping. I may go for a walk or at least sit up occasionally, but we'll see. Woot!

Lift Test Tomorrow....

I will pass it or die trying.

Seriously.

I will haul that 190 lb beast up and down the stairs on the stair chair, up and down stairs on the stretcher, then throw it into the back of the ambulance triumphantly.

I will pass or die trying.

Examination Blues

Exam time is here, I am getting ridiculously stressed. I was never this nervous in university, although I got lower marks than I am getting now. This program just means so much more to me than uni did. Failing out is not an option, my standards are set incredibly high. The college also has high standards though, as anything less than 70% is considered a fail.

Tomorrow morning is the final fitness testing. Among other things, I will be running, doing push ups and doing chin-ups at 8:30 tomorrow morning. I'm not the greatest runner in the world, so this has me concerned. If it was purely strength based, I'd be ok. I thought Paramedics didn't run, so why subject us to the torture of a shuttle run??? Grr...

We also have lift tests, practical tests and theory tests. Lift testing is challenging, but I have done them all in practice. It was such an amazing high last week, I was able to carry 210 lbs up and down 2 flights of stairs, then lift 300lbs up and down one flight. I feel like a tank, I've never been stronger in my life.

Practical testing is stressful, but a good score is not unobtainable. Follow the check sheet during a simple scenario and pass easily.

Theory tests - I have 4 of them in 3 days. Written exams, all worth a substantial percentage of the final mark, all of them needing a minimum of 70% to pass. My goal is nothing less than 90%. Study, study, study!


I thank God for Ryan at this time, but must also apologize to him. He is the one who sees me at my most stressed, the one I call and cry to when I get overwhelmed. He is the one who sees me cranky and irritable, yet the one who still loves me.

I am sorry for being so cranky lately, dear, you mean the world to me and I shouldn't release my stresses on you. I appreciate your support immensely and love you with all my heart. XOXO

Different Worlds

How do I explain to my non-EMS family and friends what I see and how I am able to deal with it? How do I explain that I don't lose sleep over the teenage overdose patient without sounding cold and heartless? Can I ever explain my way of thinking?

Can I explain that if I did let these things bother me, I would never be able to do this job? Is it possible to show them that I care for my patients deeply and fully when with them, then largely forget them when I walk through the door? Will they ever understand that I simply can't work on the next patient if the previous one still has me by the heartstrings?

Sometimes I don't think they will ever get it, but I hate it when they assume I'm uncaring and heartless. I could not do this if I cared less than I do or had a smaller heart.